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Part of My Testimony

My life is not my own. My life belongs to the Lord. I have been through many struggles and heartaches. I have been lied about, sexually and mentally abused. Betrayed by those whom I thought loved me. My own family accused and cursed me. It was difficult trusting anyone even my own husband and family who was very close to me. Family members tried to take my children from me. They wanted what I had! Some were practicing witchcraft and involved in the occult. I felt like at times I was there to rot and no one cared. It was as if I was left for dead! I felt alone and afraid. Through it all God was with me even through these darkest times.

I went through postpartum depression for a couple of years after my second son was born. I had a difficult pregnancy and could have lost my son. Doctors said it was possible either I could die or my son. I was going into labor at 17 weeks because I was having contractions constantly. I was in and out of the hospital many times. My son had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. Praise God, my son is alive today.

I was ready to give up on life. But God! I knew I had to raise my kids. If I didn’t I would not come to realize all that God was doing in them. The angels that would visit them or the times they would hear Gods voice and learn to trust God with all their heart. I learned if I gave up they wouldn’t be walking this path because the enemy wanted/wants to take them out. My children were taught how to fight by God himself. No man revealed this to them.  He showed them their weapons of warfare. What they learned, they told me and than I was able to help them along. They are worshippers and love Jesus! But, you know what, they are learning how to fight and learning how to get the victory. The amazing thing is, the words they would get from the Lord were to comfort me. They would get this all at a young age. 

During the earlier days in my walk with the Lord, I had a dream. He gave me a warning through a dream letting me know that my family was going to be attacked. God showed me who the person was who attacked me in this dream. It was someone whom I loved and was very close with. As I received the phone call the next morning, it was as if I had no fear.  Like I knew it was going to be okay. I had the peace of the Lord. This was also one of the scariest and darkest times in my life. I thought I was going to lose my children. Not one person I could trust except the Lord himself. 

At the same time my husband who was going through his own issues wasn’t there for me. I couldn’t lean on him. He didn’t know how to comfort me. It was a warfare against my family and I did not even know about warfare. It was betrayal. In this particular instance though God showed up and I was vindicated months later. In the meantime, I also lost many people who were in my life. I felt like a Joseph, (Joseph was betrayed by his brothers) left to only trust in the Lord and all I knew of Him. Through these dark times in my life I had to draw my strength through him. I went to churches to seek answers after all this happened to me and they cast me aside. They too accused me of things that were not true. The more I tried to seek help and have a listening ear the opposite would happen. I had to learn to trust Jesus because I did not trust others. Those who could have been my solution were part the problem. 

The Father than connected me to a missionary pastor who burned for the Lord. He taught about true intimacy with the Father. There I learned about burning for the Lord. I couldn't get enough of Jesus. I wanted to be with the Father so much. At times, I could not even get off the floor because his presence and love for me was so strong. 

My heart burns for the Lord. His love is all powerful and all consuming. All the lies I was believing about myself was falling to the ground. The river of Gods love and healing power had swept over me. I went through this healing process for a couple of years as I laid on the floor soaked in tears day after day. His love was so powerful I could not wait to be in his presence to burn up those things that did not belong. Tears of pain and suffering washing away. Washing away by his presence so strong. 

God was protecting my family and myself. God had given me many warnings and dreams to reveal the true hearts of the people that had come against us. At times of intense warfare God would bring his peace into the situation to let me know he was there. Gods myriads of angels were all around us, I soon learned. 

As a little girl I wanted to know about his love. I desired it! Well, through the situations I have gone through and seeking his face and crying out in desperation. His love swept over me. His love burns in my heart. My desire is for others to feel his burning love because without it I truly am nothing. I am a laid out lover for Jesus. His love consumes me. His love brings me to tears each time and each one is meant for him because his love is within.

My life has been a journey of forgiveness, loving others and learning about true intimacy with the Lord. I learned that HE loves me. I also know that because of things I have gone through nothing can take HIS place. He is my all in all and HE truly is all I need. 

The warfare on my life was/has been intense and at times I want to give up and not go forward. However, I know the purpose in my life is for His kingdom. I know His love and I know in order for me to get through each day I need to spend time with my true love. The lover of my soul. He is my best friend. He is loyal, encouraging, forgiving and extremely loving. My comforter, my healer!

Through these times it was and is His love I crave, even since I was a little girl. I needed to know His love for me. I desired Him I wanted a deep relationship with him, but I did not know it than! He sustains me and gives me hope to face the next day. Never will leave me nor forsake me. He will do the same for you. His love is all powerful! It’s a love that can never be taken from you.

My heart is to see others set free and delivered from what has held them captive. To feel the burning love of the Heavenly Father. To teach others to hear the voice of the Father for themselves and to grow in his grace, knowledge, and wisdom. His love is an all consuming fire!

Heart Two Heart

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