Free to Speak
I played the same things over in my head, "You're not good enough". I would hear that over and over again. You have nothing to give. You will not make it so why are you even bothering. No one will listen to you.
While growing up there wasn't much communication within my household. We rarely ever expressed our emotions. My parents did not communicate much with us. Many times I felt I had to figure out a lot on my own. I never had parents to sit down with and communicate to even though I actually had both my parents. I learned to suppress my emotions.
For some reason, I would always find myself crying on the carpet in my room when I was younger. Even today, I do the same, though then I did not understand why. I suppose I was crying out to the Lord because he truly was the only one that did listen. I was never able to express my heartache until the Lord met me at the same exact place many years later on the floor...in tears. He continued to bring me to the floor and I continued to go.
It was where he met me. It was where I felt safe. I allowed him to take the pain and in return I received healing. I was able to hear his voice and continue to hear his voice. The lies I had once believed have dissipated and I was free to express my hurts to him. All the years of holding it in, felt so good, so freeing to be able to release it.