A Girl Who Felt Alone
Oh how I longed to be loved. To be accepted. To get invited to all the kids birthday parties. I just wanted to fit in. I was the “shy one”. However, I did have friends. They were mostly boys. Yes, I did play with mud and made mud pies. But, I never ever played with worms. I loved to play tennis. That was my sport! I would be at the park playing all the time. More of a tom boy for sure.
I remember being a kid and not having all the gadgets to play with like they do today. I actually had to use my imagination. One thing I loved to do was pretend I was a teacher. I would set up my teddy bears and give them tests to take. Of course some would pass and some would fail. But, I would have to use my imagination. I think I was pretty good at it. I had to be. I had siblings but they were older than me. My sister was 10 years older than I and my brother was five. I did not have much of a relationship with my sister because when I was 5 she was 15 and in high school. Not much in common at that age.
Actually, my home was quite broken. My mother stayed home while we were in school but even though she was home she wasn’t there for me emotionally. My mom was a christian and loved the Lord. She knew how to love me the best way she could as well as my dad. My dad had to work and he would work late a night and never had much to say. He was quiet and intimidating mostly.
We never really spoke much in our house at least about how we felt. It seemed like affection and emotions were absent. So we learned how to suppress how we felt. Through those times I felt very alone. I had no one to lean on or run too. I remember times when I would be in my bedroom and the floor and just cry out. I was so lonely. Again, I had a family and I had some friends but it wasn’t enough. I wanted to be loved.
My mom taught me about Jesus. I knew about him and I knew the song “Jesus loves me this I know because the bible tells me so”. But, it wasn’t enough to know about God. What I really need was to KNOW him and to know the love that he had for me. Believe me when I say this… He knew I was on that floor crying when I was a little girl. He has been watching over me my whole life.
So, this is my first blog. I cannot wait to see what God wants me to share with you all. I am excited because I have testimony and God wants me to share it as he leads me to tell it!