Painful Relationships - God can heal
I am going to get real with you all. This is about relationships. Ones, I wish I never got involved in. Thank God, He healed me of my wounds and set me free.
I was engaged at the age of 19. Yes, I had a ring on my finger, but I hid it from my family. No one knew. It was a secret. I was in love or so I thought. So… why not get engaged.
It was perfect! He loved me and I loved him. He loved going to the movies, I loved spending time with him. However, I had come to realize he had an addiction to pornography. He was in love with false images of women. Images of which I could never amount too.
I tried to help him. I even tried to help him get rid of his stash, but that didn’t work. He was deep into his addiction. I thought I was the one that could help him. Well, I couldn’t! I realized that quickly. He couldn’t stop.
While he had this addiction, my self image was brought low. I couldn’t understand the infatuation to these woman on a page. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t see me as beautiful. In all honesty, it repulsed me.
My boyfriend, who claimed to love me wanted me to get an HIV test to make sure I did not have AIDS. How could I even, I thought. What was I was thinking? Anything, for love I suppose or so I thought.
This was the first man I had sexual intercourse with. Right after, he fell asleep right on the bedroom floor and me in tears wondering what I just did. What shame I felt. This was not what I ever pictured it would be like.
That next morning he wanted me to take a morning after pill. Just to make sure I didn’t get pregnant. So I did.
I just wanted acceptance and to feel loved. I didn’t care how much I was hurting. I just wanted to be loved and for him to love me.
So your probably wondering, what the heck and why would I stay. Well, I didn’t stay long because he ended it. I even tried to get him back.His addiction to pornography made me feel less than who I was. I never had anyone tell me that I was worth something or of value. I did not deserve this, but somehow I thought I did.
I got involved in many relationships that were very unhealthy. Ones, where my self worth was ruined. I had one boyfriend tell me if I only had bigger breasts, I would have guys all over me. These were like daggers right in my heart. I had much stolen from me. Of everything I was hearing, I started to believe it.
I also was sexually abused at a college party soon after I graduated from high school. I had met a guy at this party. I was given a drink and little did I know there was something someone had slipped into it. I started to walk back to my friends dorm and I have no idea how I got back there. While walking through that hallway the same guy had followed me back from the party. That’s when the incident happened. I remember seeing blood. As he must have as well. He ended up running off soon there after.
I went back again a week later and I went searching for him, but again he had run away. Avoiding me at all costs. So, why in my right mind would I run after him. The reason being, I thought I deserved it. BUT, I DIDN’T!
It wasn’t until years later, after many heart wrenching and painful relationships did I finally find out what real love was. My mind was twisted and believed in lies. Lies in which I had to unlearn. I had to find out what love truly was.
I went through a deep healing. Healing which brought me to my knees. A healing that only God could do himself. He went into the deepest places of my heart. He set me free.
Maybe you are or have been in painful relationships or abusive ones. There is hope, there is an answer. God wants to heal you of all your wounds and heartache. Believe me when I say I thought I deserved it. I did not! I kept falling into the same relationships and I kept getting hurt.
God wants to come in and invade your life and bring complete healing to your mind, body and soul. He wants to set you free from all shame and guilt. He can do it and will do it. He did it for me, he will do it for you. You don’t need to hang onto your hurt any longer. I promise there is a God who loves you no matter what.
He is one whom swept me off my feet and gave me a love that no one can take away. It’s sure and it’s pure! His love is here to stay.
Father, I lift up the person who is reading this today. May you come and bring full healing to their mind, body and emotions. I break off every lie that they are believing about themselves. I pray Father that they will come into full realization of whom You say they are. You were made in his image and in his likeliness. I declare freedom to you In Jesus name, Amen!